like wind and waves

my whole body is uncomfortable and frail from the reality—the reality i have blinded myself from for so long. when did i become a play thing? when did i become someone to just use for meaningless pleasure? i can’t pin point the moment i became such a pawn in your game, but the actuality of what you were doing hit me like a brick yesterday. a wave of everything you’ve ever done or said that i made excuse after excuse was shown for its true light. you are cruel. you are manipulating. you are awful. and you know that. you knew you could get me to do every little song and dance for you. 

while i trusted you and justified every feeble excuse you fed me for why we could never be anything more, you were sitting back comfortably tightening the puppet strings. i was a fool for you—asking for you to be cruel to me because i never had the courage to look at what you were really doing; never had the courage to face this. i always just wanted to believe your intentions were good, just the timing was wrong. it crushes me knowing i put so much into you and felt so much for you when all it was was a sick, perverse game of yours. another girl to control, another pawn on the board. 

make her fall and leave her hanging. i was left there gasping for air and every time you smiled at me, i’d smile right back.

(via pe-achy)